Sunday, April 30, 2006
New beginning; New end
Every new beginning is a product of the past, an essence for the future. What does the future entail? It just but the route towards an end, probably an expectation (heaven, hell etc), something that terminates human existence.But hey wait, what's with all this philosophy talk when it's SONIA'S BIRTHDAY TODAY?!?!
And sooo the long waited day has come, the day where my baby finally finds herself one step closer towards adulthood; she finds herself empowered with the ability to purchase products that burns her liver, stains her lungs. Whatever the hell that is, it's a day's that special, something that probably that most people would yearn to have it really special, but always end up having it the other way round. But rest assure, I'll try to make it different for you! =)
To Sonia:
You know I still chuckle at the thought of you, of who we got together, about the kind of stuff we used to do in school. What was especially amusing were all those stupid things we said, did, and planning to do. I never saw myself being in a relationship with you the minute I set eyes on you. It wasn't love at first sight, but somehow at that instant something inside me told me that this girl was special. But I just pushed the thought aside and went on being arrogant, anti-social and definitely stupid in the process. Well, such a thin facade, a fine veneer could not help but peel and fall when I got closer to you.
I had this whole need to be around you all the time. I let loose of all my channels, of all my mediums of communication, just because I thought you might probably make use of one of them to talk to me, someday. And so I found myself turning off silent mode on my handphone nightly (still is doing so), signing into MSN for eons when the reality of it was that I hardly touched the computer during my course of time at home, SMS-ing you at times which I thought you would be able to see them at that very instant, and hopefully reply me. Hearing your voice, seeing you online, reading your SMSes were somewhat different. Maybe I was biased, but that was still the way I felt, and feel right now.
The above actions and feelings were but the product of this growing love I held for you, they were not the reason why I fell for you. Till date, I cannot truly unveil this paradox. I fail to find a chief reason why I love you, but as the clock ticks and time passes by, as experience has told me, I know that I want to be with you forever. That I find it difficult and practically impossible to function without you by my side. A subtle yet significant difference lies between 'missing you', and 'needing you'. It's not really alright if I don't see you for a day, or a few days. But it definitely is an issue when I know that I won't be seeing you again. Thus far, I hope that I've done decently well enough to make you stay by my side. Because truth to be told, I love you, I love you, I love you.
And then the story goes on and on, but it must stop, for chapters start and end. And here's a new chapter in this book of ours, one that is penned not by ink, but by the very heart and soul, of love and togetherness. And so this chapter begins now, with a little girl growing up to becoming an older one (note: not woman yet haha). And this older boy (birthday already passed =D) holding her hands, walking down some journey of sorts. For all that see us, it is but a journey. For all that sees us inside, it is not but a journey. It is more than that. It tells of the obstacles that both have to face, together. And you know how he will never leave the girl alone, for if he continues travelling alone, the journey is meaningless. You might as well die!, as quoted.
Albeit all of the long-winded talk, I'd like to really hope for the best for my baby. I understand that school has taken quite a toll on her, and I hope she excels really. Because that same part of me that told me that this girl was speical is telling me that she can do it. And I know she can, so yup, God bless (oh yes my denouncement is always made contradictory when you come into picture). I hope you'll remain happy always with me =) As for now, enjoy this very special day! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONIA, I LOVE YOU!
posted@10:06 AM
Sunday, April 16, 2006
We are the Champions?
I have a friend whom most would consider to be the lower spectrum of the handsome-line. I mean honestly, seriously not good looking at all. If you have issues imagining that, try picturing somebody who looks worse than I am. Yup you got it. And he's always been very quiet, and kept most things to himself. It was and still is very difficult to get him to open up himself, and most just labeled him as an introvert. Most of the time, he was the butt of most of the jokes in the class, and I am guilty for some of them. But that doesn't matter, and isn't the point.But I gave careful thought about this labeling, and came to a conclusion - That he isn't exactly an introvert. He is a clear product of his circumstances. The question I'm posing here is, would he be somebody else if he looked way better than he currently is? Would he still have so little self-esteem and confidence? Would he then be just as nice to others as he is now? I believe nobody can give me an absolute answer, and neither can I ever answer this. But I do have enough reason to believe that the possibility of him being a snob (in the circumstances of him being extremely dashing), is pretty high. Then again I question the genuinity in the 'nice-ness' of a person - Could most, or even every nice person be the way he or she is because of his or her circumstances?
Why am I talking like that? Reason being, I've seen too many hypocrites in the recent years of my life, especially good looking ones. If there's anything that I learnt which made a huge impact on my life, it has got to be that the prettiest people are usually the ugliest people inside. That these people are aware of their good looks, and play it up to their advantage. In the process, they become ignorant of the less “fortunate”, the less handsome, and the less pretty people. And in the face of other good looking ones, they backstab, bitch, compete in every possible method available on planet earth, and become real bitches, discarding whatever humanity that’s left in them. What has the world come to?
Today, not only is our society degrading to one that has no greater significance of a piece of manure. What has the New World Order done to mankind? I say: Nothing But Harm. From Europe to South Africa to Far East to South East Asia, that little bit of humanity left in us is devoured by the very system we adore so much - Capitalism. Remember people, that every second of your luxury is achieved at the expense of others. I believe Buddha would change his Philosophy if he saw the world today. It has changed so dramatically, that religious of philosophical doctrines of the past find it hard to fit into this whole sick puke-inducing jig-saw puzzle. The root of suffering is not desire, but human beings themselves. We are not unhappy because we yearn for more and more, but because of the circumstances that we have created for ourselves, and landed ourselves in. Humanity is hopeless, and we can jolly well sit back and watch the world crumble at our feet. When the USA falls, China or another global superpower will undertake the task of reshaping the world via other exploitative means. Communism has failed, and so new systems, new ideologies that stem from capitalism itself shall reign supreme in the future to come.
God, if you exist, I believe your wrath has been incurred. And it doesn't help that the blessed wisdom you have lent us mankind with has been turned against you. I think I'm a classic case - Of how I spread blasphemy daily, and question you very existence. Even as I marvel at the sights of the night sky, read about the amazing functions of our body, I find it hard to believe that it is not the work of a divine hand. But that doesn't stop me from probing into grey areas, into the quest for greater knowledge of your existence. And till then, I am but a sinner, someone who shall be cast into hell unless I redeem my sins with the very little years left for me. But as always, if I ever meet God in heaven, and should I ever be cast to hell for eternity, my only wish is to sit down and have a nice chat with you. So that I have my choice of freedom, before I suffer and scream like a harlot blast'd a new infant’s tears.
posted@11:11 AM
Monday, April 10, 2006
Rule of the Thirds
My first successful shot with the Holga! Took me 2 rolls to get it working... Thought it looked pretty decent for a first shot.
Holga CFN Double Exposure
Cameras I wanna buy!
Lomo LCA
Smena 8M
Lomo Fisheye
Last and definitely least...
Nikon D70
I miss my baby so much... It's really trying. No hugs, no kisses, no voice. No nothing. Gah... Needa pull myself together. But thankfully she called me last night. So happy she called, really was, and still am. Oh yes baby, good news for you! I won the BEST SPEAKER award (along with Kerri) for today's debate. Cheers!
posted@5:28 PM
Sunday, April 09, 2006
A part of me died
And so Sonia left for Hong Kong this morning, and I was really glad I woke up to sent her off. It wasn't really difficult waking up at 3.30am this morning, not because I've been staying up till timings as such for the past few days, but because I really couldn't take my mind off her.I never knew I'd miss her this much, and right now I'm feeling pretty empty. I miss her voic, I miss her touch, I miss talking to her over the phone, I miss having dinners with her.
She hasn't called me yet. And all I can do is that all went well and she's having fun there now. Please please give me a ring soon!
posted@9:49 PM
Saturday, April 08, 2006
You have always been there.
'Hypocrisy is the ecclesiastical.' - Tartuffe (1664), Molière.
Ahhh finally, someone who shares my sentiments.
posted@7:24 AM
Monday, April 03, 2006
Works
$1350 more to go.
Word.
posted@9:39 PM
Sunday, April 02, 2006
For a moment...
The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.
For a moment, the strings near my heart were tugged, in a somewhat sad way.
So much misery, sadness, in just 30 words.
Beautifully crafted.
posted@8:49 PM
